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Sea Tales Of Captain Rummond 26 Seamen
The Sea Tales Of Captain Rummond & Seamen Cap'n Rummond, a washed up ol' dog was under Edward Teach's command untill he was disbarred for stealin' all the rum, t'was unfair 'cause it was tasty like a cookie, but Cap'n Rummond moved on. He promised himself he'd go back to the sea, this time the captain! So he got himself a job and hoped that there would be no ruckus! although there probably will be ruckus because of all the naughty old bastards on the land, but he decided he would do it anyway he decided he would need a elite team of pirates but first he would need some of dem monies hes heard so much about. As he saved a lot of dem monies, he bought himself a boat, n his Seamen. His last day of his job was, as like the hard workers at his job recall, "ARRGH MEH MATEYS, IM GONNA GO AND SAIL DE SEVEN SEAS! FUCK YOU ALL, DOWN DAVY JONES LOCKER!" Den he ripped hiz work clothes out, n transformed into a pirate in 20 seconds or less. His Seamen were the best of the best! Rapey Tharr Pirate A.K.A Rapey The Grape Oppan Pirate Style: After Rapey died that tremendous day, he came back to life in person. But he was reformed as a pirate. So he became Rapey tharr pirate! Y'ARRR! He sailed da seven seas, looking for some booty, and some booty, and some more info to spread his knowledge on Bootygabra. One day, he found a gold dubloon shaped like a booty. Rapey said "Y'ARR! Dat me sum good booty rite der... MEN! BRING ME DA BOOTY, Y'ARR!" So his men did so. As they brought it closer, Rapey didn't know what would his fate be in the pirate world. As his men brought the booty, he gotten so excited that he passed out, and appeared on the ship of Ol' Black Beards, tied up. Rapey said "Y'ARR, WHATCHU DOIN ON ME SHIP!" Den he got off da ship, and traveled home. That is where he met Cap'n. Boris The Cosmonaut: A sloth used for the soviet cosmodrome. Boris was sent to the nuclear bomb spaceship not the Soyuz causing him to go back in time and going to the pirate age, he is the cook that only cooks with vodka 'cause rum is mainstream to him. He likes to kill, to drink vodka, to kill vodka and to vodka kill. He wears thick cosmonaut clothing and he doesn't take them off, he is very cray cray too. Doc Brown & Marty McFly: After Back To The Future Pt.III Doc left his wife and kids to safety and brought Marty with him, because some Taim Travul shit was Shmirnoff vodkini Shmirnoff Vodkini. happening. They are here to prevent EVILDAVYJONESXXX and Black Beard from winning and not fucking up the spacetime continuum. They are the engineers of the ship and they made it be able to go back in time. Marty and Doc sometimes do a fun karaoke and cheer up the crew. Ben "Clive" Dover The Goldfish A.K.A Bendover: Is the amazing goldfish scout of the group that came to the pirate's aid after Poseidon didn't give him cocaine and tits any more. He is the quickest and most observant guy in the ship, though he is very wet and slimy. Knife Man: Nobody really knows about him. He just came to the ship one day and started to stab enemies. He only speaks to Boris, but Boris never tells us what he says. He is a complete mystery man. Commander Shepard: After he was butthurt that all his girlfriends died after the Reaper invasion, he thought to himself "Hey! They invented time travelling in 1985 why don't we use that time machine for the Reapers to disappear from existence!" He went to the time machine and went back in time to the time the fathers of the Reapers would be boyfriends. (EVILDAVYJONESXXX & Black Beard) He is here to stop the Reapers' daddies and make all of his girlfriends alive after this. He is the soldier and biotic of the group and sometimes does some repairs to the ship with Marty and Doc. Super Plank O' Death: Well one day super plank o death was sitting around doin' fuck all because his job was being a door when Captain Rummond burst down the fuckin' door (which was him) freeing him from his evil spell cast by Big Joe Joyce. He then went off on a big journey with his team members. He is a normal plank and does not do much (because he is a plank) is very happy and likes rum a LOT, but he never gets drunk because he does not have a liver (or any organs for that matter) They then went off too the pirate bay for supplies (and music), but it was attacked by lawyers. Marty grabbed his red vest and threw it over them claiming that his vest was copywritten, causing panic between the lawyers. The captain and the seamen fought and killed the lawyers, then sailed off, but realised that Rapey Tharr Pirate was gone. they searched and found him at the red islands of tubeland gettin sum booty (his own type of booty) they collected him from the islands and took all dem monies (booty) and made everybody on the island walk the super plank o death. They knew they were a step closer to defeating EVILDAVYJONESXXX. Back at the ship, Boris had made the classic vodka phazer boiled borscht and everyone enjoyed it. Everyone relaxed except Knife Man, Boris and Shepard. They were talking about their lives Knife Man said "..." we couldn't hear him. Boris spoke about his life at the russian cosmodrome "You know comrade, I was the first animal to go to space, not that bitch Laika! Nobody even knows I'm dead now! Nobody, except my dear friend Shmirnoff Vodkini" "Is he like a brother or something?" Boris then showed his bottle of favourite vodka with a smiley face on it. "Oh" said Shepard kind of dissapointed. "My turn. So back in my life at the Normandy, we used to have special areas for stuff, one of these areas was my room and it happened frequently, with Jack, no Boris, she is not a dude, with Ashley and Miranda, the aliens were not very good lovers, I had tried Tali and Liara, but all I got were purple balls, then blue balls" Boris grabbed Shepard and Marty and started singing. DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A COMMIE IS FREE! YOU ARE A COMRADE! DA DA VODKA IN HERE! SOME BORSCHT COOKED WITH DEER! DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A COMMIE IS FREE! YOU ARE A COMRADE! Then it was Shepard's turn to make a ripoff. DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE IT'S MASS EFFECT BITCH! YOU ARE A SPACE GUY! PEW PEW GO THE LAZERS WE'LL BANG OK? BITCH! DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE IT'S MASS EFFECT BITCH! YOU ARE A SPACE GUY! Then came Marty FUCK ALL YOU WANT WITH TIME YOU HEAR! YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE! HOVER BOARDS AND FUTURE SHIT! COWBOYS AND PISTOL WHIPS! 88 MILES PER FUCKIN' HOUR! FUCK ALL YOU WANT WITH TIME YOU HEAR! YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE! Then, out of the blue a wild Cap'n Rummond appeared. Then everyone started singing! DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE! YARR HARR JIBERRY DEE BEIN' A PIRATE IS ABOUT BEIN' FREE! DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE! Its then when they where finished talking that Cap'n Rummond burst in and said "Yarr me mateys we be going to THE VERY DANGEROUS BEACHES OF LIMEWIRE there will probably be a LOT of dickhead lawyers there because they do not want us getting free music". The plan is we go there kill as much dickhead lawyers as possible then take ALL the free music! So take a lot of storage devices with you then we take it all back too the ship and make the remaining dickhead lawyers walk over Super Plank O' Death. Then when we are done doing that we will go to the frozen mountains of Frostwire which is in the middle of the beaches of limewire and fight the owner who is a soft DIC...TATOR! A.K.A a fat old bastard hacker, we need too kill him and take the island for ourselves, so we can make a LOT of dem dubloons. Ben Dover spotted the bastard lawyers preventing us from the dubloons and Cap'n Rummond said from afar "BEN DOVER THE LAWYERS FOR THE MONEY YARR!!!" Ben Dover the Goldfish went in and killed the lawyers from a safe distance with his super water spit he learned at the brothels of England. Then Knife Man and Shepard finished them off, while Boris was providing cover with his phazer/neuraliser. Then Cap'n Rummond put on his climbin' boots, took out his cutlASSES and he climbed. Marty and SPOD offered to help, but he said "I got a few butthurts left undone with him!" After his very difficult drunken climb, he jumped to the HAX PALACE and tried kill the soft DIC....TATOR, after a long and tiring match of yo' momma jokes, they were both tired, they couldn't defeat eachother! Then out of the blue, Doc's time train crashed over the fatass and he said excitedly "GREAT FUCKING SCOTT BITCH! They were ready to fight tharr final baws and his boyfriend, so they set sail to the islands of Corcuda, where they would get lootsee loot! Butt, there was a problem. THE ISLAND HAD BUTTPIRATES. Doc covered his anus and went back in time, then there were none. Nobody knows to this day what he did. He will never tell us he said. We got the gunpowder and the guns and we went off to the location called the X island. At the X island we didn't see a thing it only had a weird fog, then I realised it was the green fog of weed! My seamen put noseplugs on, while I was tied at the deck and the fog whispered to me "To kill EVILDAVYJONESXXX and Black Beard, you need to get their bonded heart inside of the chest and destroy it. Of course we knew it was a difficult journey and we would waste tons of time, so.... WE USED THE DELORSHIP! We went back in time when they bonded their hearts and we stabbed it, while they were having buttsecks, they died while holding hands, little did we know, they had a love child, the first reaper. We had missed that, we ran out of plutonium to go back in time again (Mr. Fusion was broken) so we had to face him now, all powerful! His name was Heinrich and he was evil! As a child he hated everyone. Especially Cap'n Rummond. An epic battle waged between the two after they went to the XXX island. Shepard shot his lazors, Marty & Doc used time powers they gained after meeting The Doctor, like super aging and the guns from the Lybians (watch BTTF to understand) Knife Man started stabbing Heinrich's tentacles and Boris hit him with SPOD and his phazer. Rapey Tharr Pirate then raped each tentacle and Heinrich fell down and revealed the ultimate treasure..... To this day, we don't know what it is. Doc & Marty left since the Spacetime Continuum had been fixed. Shepard went back to his girlfriends for buttsecks. Rapey Tharr Pirate died anticlimatically, but he was ressurected later on. Boris made a new spaceship and went to the future USSR. Super Plank O' Death: used his plank powers and stayed there (Psyche! There is no such thing as plank powers) Ben Dover The Goldfish stayed there and enjoyed all the booty he had collected with Cap'n Rummond. Knife Man just disappeared in thin air. Captain Rummond lived through his money for a long time. But fate has decided that this would not be their final adventure....(to be continued) By Oderyus and SuperPlankOfDeath, SOMEGUY123 added the Knife Man and Rapey Tharr Pirate is property of Fatal Disease. Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS Category:Title that makes babbies laugh Category:Collab Category:Originally on Trollpasta Wiki